I've been reading a book lately called " The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown. It challenges me on pretty much every level and makes me really think about how I am choosing to go through life and whether I am claiming shame or authenticity, or living in love and belonging.She goes on to talk about how choosing a life of authenticity is a choice and in today's world- that can pose a threat to many as our society has become all about appearances, having it all together, striving to look like everything is working as it should be, while meanwhile feeling like you don't belong or aren't good enough. To be honest I would think that more often than not I would say I live in the opposite of authenticity, and perfectionism is a real struggle. Yet I know I am not alone in this struggle. I desire to be authentic, but that means choosing to be real, genuine and open and not allowing shame to overide true feelings of love and belonging. As a Christian, I would even say that admitting perfectionism as a struggle would be an audacity to many, since we are supposed to live a lifestyle of love and grace and understand Christ has freed us from condemnation. Yet this too, I know I am not alone, and hope to one day live in an atmosphere where we can all lay it down on the table, expose our facades for what they are, and join together in living wholehearted living and experience true love and belonging without the bitter taste of shame associated.
I’ve learnt that living a life of perfectionism, is caring more about what other people think and striving to be something we are not capable of even doing. Brene speaks on the concept of how unattainable the idea of being a perfectionist is, we were never meant to be perfect, so how did this idea evolve that we could be perfect and "have it all together" really come from? She states how “where perfectionist exists, shame is always lurking, in fact shame is the birthplace of perfectionism." From my own experience I would agree 100%, I know somewhere down the road I decided I had to be strong and and in order to feel good enough I had to be perfect, to strive towards perfectionism, and in doing so lost a sense of authenticity and shame became a way of living. Often cloaking myself in a false sense of security and shame. Shame is no friend, not to myself, and not to anyone I know. Its a lie, one which can haunt us every day of our lives if we let it. Yes past experiences we can add helped shame become a reality, but who wants to live in the past, and allow the lie of shame to begin to define how we view ourselves as being unworthy of love and belonging? I know its not the life God intended, so though there might be hurt from the past- and negative experiences have given the voice of shame a place in our hearts- its not a voice of truth, rather a place of darkness rather than light. I know too we are called to live as children of the light- which means letting go of the past, and not allowing shame to override. Grace is to replace that of fear and shame.
Personally I'm done with shame, which means letting go of this idea of having to be perfect or seeming like at times I have it all together .I’m ready to start grasping some of my own imperfections and live a life of authenticity- even though I know at times its not an easy journey. Its been a journey I've been walking on the last few years, and its has some struggles for sure, but the outcome is truly worth it. Replacing shame with genuine love and acceptance is worth it. When it comes to God- its understanding that our past doesn’t define us, that we don’t need to strive to belong or be good enough because He loves us exactly the way we are regardless of what we would define as weakness, and most of all also recognizing that "His grace is sufficcient in our weaknesses." This is my journey, I pray you would come along side me and begin to walk your own journey to a more authentic life, and allow shame to be the voice of yesterday instead of a loud daunting and exhausting voice which in reality only leads to death. Hold on to His strength and He will get you through each day.
"To overcome perfectionism: we need to be able to acknowledge our vulnerabilities to the universal experience of shame, judgment, and blame, develop shame resilience and practice self- compassion When we become more loving and compassionate to ourselves and we begin to practice shame resilience we can embrace our imperfections. It is in the process of embracing our imperfections that we find our truest gifts: courage, compassion and connection."- Brene
I know too, that when we live striving for perfection, we can be our own worst enemy, and instead of having grace for ourselves, and in a world where we can have incredible love and grace for others when they make a mistake, when it comes to ourselves we are incredibly hard on ourselves, and self- hatred takes residence and shame grows as we compare ourselves to others, or get angry because we didn meet a goal- that is not even unattainable, yet somehow we figured we might be able to obtain a lofty goal of perfectionism? Its time I got real and realized its not obtainable and not loving myself, yet again is not the life I was meant to live, I/ we were meant to live a life of freedom. " Galatians 1:5 has become a verse I often speak over myself and remind myself- ( we all need to be reminded, even daily when it comes to this battle) "In [this] freedom Christ has made us free [and completely liberated us]; stand fast then, and do not be hampered and held ensnared and submit again to a yoke of slavery [which you have once put off" ( Amplified Version)
I want to live daily in courage, compassion and connection.
"Authenticity demands Wholehearted living and loving-even when its hard, even when we are wrestling with the shame and fear of not being good enough, and especially when joy is so intense that we're so afraid to let ourselves feel it. Mindfully practicing authenticity during our most soul-searching struggles is how we invite grace, joy, and gratitude into our live." - Brene Brown That is my prayer, and I know God desires those attributes and in striving for them rather than perfectionism, shame will begin to lose its grip . What a day that will be!
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